Idly do some speak of 'civil war.' Yet, never should we forget the sacrifice of the brave men who lost their lives battling Tyrannosaurus Rex, that is to say, the tyranny of (lizard) kings.
I never realized anyone would think dinosaurs roamed the Earth at the time of the American Civil War. My long-neglected studies of history, however, spurred by a pastor named Matt Powell, encouraged me to unearth the forgotten story of Confederate soldiers fighting these pernicious beasts. Pastor Powell points out photographic evidence of pterodactyls, which, considering how long one had to sit for a daguerreotype, is surely miraculous. My scholarship led me to the following, touching missive.
Dear Clara,
I hope this letter finds you well. The marches are hot and the days are long, and the giant lizards are as bad as you've heard. Captain says we'll have to storm the velociraptor nests at daybreak. They are quick and craftier than Stonewall Jackson himself. But I am in good spirits and thankful.
One poor fella from Raleigh courageously volunteered to feed his sawed-off leg to the T-Rex, so that we might break camp safely. I lost that lovely wool cap you sent me, fleeing from a triceratops, which is to say, a lizard running on all fours, rather like a bull, with three horns. Thankfully, they say those beasts are not known to eat men, and so I feel sure I will retrieve it.
Camp grub is fine, but I look forward to coming home to your biscuits and gravy, and think of them often while avoiding allosaur dung on the trails. I look at the stars and remember your perfume, and rarely are my reveries interrupted by pterodactyls, which is to say, winged lizards what fly. Some of the men have taken to shooting at them. They see them better after a few sips of moonshine, it is said, but you know I abstain generally from strong drink.
This terrible business of brother fighting brother fighting giant reptiles will be done one day, Perhaps we can find a homestead to settle, far from these scaly beasts, though I confess to a certain wonder at all of God's marvelous creation. You do not hear as much of parlay as you do the fearsome battles, sweet Clara. But when you talk to the other side in times of cease fire, you find a great agreement that in these times, rampaging dinosaurs unite the hearts and hands of men, regardless of our differences.
Yours affectionately, Johnny
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